Guillian Barre Syndrome GBS Let me explain.

 

Hello !  It's been awhile since I have been on my site.  Like before December and I think in October.  I know I could look it up but I am here now and I want to keep on, keeping on.  if you know what I mean.

If you will notice the pictures right in front of the first one is a walker.  You can just see the handle on the left.  That is my freedom machine right now.  That and a wheelchair.

In the second picture is one of my 9  cats.  Her name is Angelina and is the Mother of 2 liters.  Four in first one, we gave 2 away (to my Granddaughters), and Five in second batch.  They all have been fixed and we love them to pieces.  Below her is recipe books that I have been ordering and going through.  I have also been coloring in the adult coloring books.  Reading books and on my Kindle.
I have tried not watching TV as let's face it, it can turn you into a zombie and we do not want that. I started getting the symptoms of GBS on Dec. 23rd, 2016.  As with the other 3 times it starts in my feet, goes up my body to the top of my head, inside my mouth and destroys my muscles.  On Dec. 24th, 2016 my husband Jim, along with half of my family took me to Enloe Hospital in Chico, Ca. where I stayed for 10 days.  My recovery has been slow, in my opinion.  I would like to talk about this Syndrome with anyone who is interested and wants to know more about it.  Will be back tomorrow.  

Setting up Home Library

While watching World Series !!  We are Giants and A's fans so really enjoying watching. We don't care which team wins, Indians or Cubs as it's been too long for both teams. Go Baseball, best sport of all. 

Yes, I am still talking !

Okay, I have something to add.  You know, I feel like that stupid girl in the room that doesn't get it and everyone else in the room does and they see she doesn't.  Some are  looking at her with sadness, some are shaking their heads and some are bug eyed because they can't believe she is so stupid.

Jim has been working for about 2 weeks straight no days off.  This will probably end this weekend as it's a seasonal job.  He walks in the door and is petting our dogs.  I grab him and pull him into a hug.  I hold on tight and hold on to him for like 15 seconds.  I am feeling his body touching mine.  His shoulders tummy and legs.  It's a good feeling until I realize his arms are not around me.  He stopped on my side.  I have both my arms up around his shoulders, my head is next to his and he only has his hands on my side.  I feel like he is just waiting for me to let go.  I'm getting no response from him toward me.  No squeeze back, no laying his head into me, nothing.  I start to let go as he does also then I hug him again before we break away.  He gives a little laugh.  I let go and he almost acts uncomfortable.  Like he didn't know what to do or say.  I say I just miss you so much.  A couple hours later, after he has feed all our cats and dogs and we have had dinner and are sitting in the living room he looks at me and says, "That was nice what you did".  Okay, now am I the stupid girl in the room ?  I mean shouldn't he have said, "I really miss you too !" 

I feel like this has gone on so long that I have gotten use to no showing of affection or of telling your other how you feel about them.  I sure wish it was different but it's not and I need to (as my Granddaughter would say), put your big girl pants on and move on.

We will talk more later.  Tootles

Halloween

 

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 Pumpkin streusel bread. Health and delicious !

Yes, I am still talking !

Hello, again. 
Like I said before I am just getting started. 
     To be honest I am quite sad about all of this for one I don't know what to do about it.  I have tried to talk to him about it but he just blows me off.  Says all I do is complain.  There isn't anything I like about him .  Actually that is true.  I don't like him anymore.  He isn't normal, or down to earth, or ready to laugh at himself.  If I do something wrong I laugh about it and shrug it off.  If he does something wrong he doesn't admit it.  If fact acts like he meant to do that and gives some off the wall reason for doing it.  Very serious about it.  No more do we have that closeness we use to have.  Where it's okay to mess up, we don't care as long as we have each other it's all good.  We  no longer say things to each other to make the other one feel good about themselves.  I always use to especially to him.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I do everything right, I don't but I would like to change that.  I never get a compliment from him.  I use to.  You know about anything, hair style (now my hair is white and thin), outfits, making a good meal, just anything.  Even when I ask him how does this look on me or what about this hair style or Did you like what I made isn't it delicious ?.  I get nothing, maybe if I am lucky I will get, "Yea, it's fine,"  Have you seen the movie, "Hope Springs", with Meryl Streep.  Well, that is my life.  I love how she was able to change things around.  It took some doing but she finally showed him  how different their life could be And the most important part was.....He finally listened !  He understood what she was telling him and he wanted his life that loving and carefree as much as she did.  I know, I know only in the  movies, right?  Yes, my husband and I did see the  movie together and no nothing changed.  It was almost like Jim was afraid I was expecting him to change and be like that and he wasn't having any of it.
     What do we talk about......Jim talks about politics, the news, what happens when he's working.  I know all about all his coworkers and the boss and his family.  How awful his phone is (Sansome, need I say  more).  Now don't get me wrong I am interested in all that, I want to know how he feels about this and that but you see that is all we talk about.  If I try to talk about us he clams up  like he's a little boy in trouble.  He body language is so apparent.  Frown on face, jaw brought out and gritting, pulls back away and does not say a word. 

I just get so sad.  I have said to him....."Who are you and what have you done with my husband ?  I would like him back as I miss him so.

        Does that faze him ???  Not in the least.  So I have to keep myself up.  I use to get really sad and would walk around with a worried look on my face, be in a  bad mood, not really enjoying life then I realized it really didn't matter to him how I was at all.  He didn't try to make me feel better.  In fact here is what he did one of the times we were having a fight.  As usual I don't remember about what only that we were mad at each other.  Well, he said he was sorry, at the time it really surprised  me.  But I thought, great now we are  getting somewhere.  Well later, maybe a few days or it might  have been a week or two we are disagreeing and he states.....It really makes him mad to say he is sorry.  Can you believe that !  Let me tell you if I could say "I'm  sorry really sorry", and all this would go away, I would do it in a heart beat.     Why can't it be like it was in the beginning, the sweet smiles, the tender touch, looking across the room at each other, the compliments, the sharing of something only each of you would understand, the closeness.  Oh, how I miss the closeness.  Someone to count on for everything, no mater what.  All of that is gone !
       I don't know now if I want to make it right.  It's been so long since we have been close.  All I do know is if we both don''t work at it together nothing will change between us.  And that my friend is very, very, very SAD.

Until next time ;)

Sometimes you just have to talk

If your a women, over 65 but under 70 I think you might know what I mean.

Let me explain.....

           I'm married, we had children who are grown now with families of their own.  We also have lots of Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren.  That part is all good.  In fact it's very good.

          I just thought I would be in a different place now.  I know what you are thinking.  Big  high end home, nice furniture, expensive clothes and jewelry, you get the picture.  None of that is what I have nor do I want any of that.  I love my home.  It's been put together a room at a time.  I'm not kidding !  We even have a school bus hooked on one side.  That use to be our bedroom in the back (now it's a closet).  The front of the bus was my kitchen (now it's more or less a storage for things I don't have room for in my other kitchen).  The bathroom is in the  middle and it works quite well.

I do have a lot of books.  Some people would think I have too many, not me, of course, I would love to have a lot more.  I made the mistake a few years ago and gave away half of them.  About 500.  Yes, I do regret it very much.  I feel like I gave away half of my soul never to be found again.  You know how it is, I'll remember a particular book then realize I gave it away.  That awful feeling of lost you feel in your toes or I see one in the book store or some one's home and sigh, and say to myself, I use to own a book like that.  AWFUL !  But I have no one to blame but myself.  I  just didn't have the room and we were moving things around.  Shelves came down, windows went in there went the books.  I did give them to a thrift store so I keep telling myself I have made a lot of people very happy.

So I am pretty much okay with my book situation and my family.  I could  do more exercise.  I have 3 DVDs of Jane Fonda's.  What a cool lady.  I do like her a lot.  Years ago I even had her VHS tapes and I worked out with her a lot.  So I got a gift card for one of the Holidays and bought her latest  DVDs.  I really like the one as it has dancing in it.  Especially the Latin dance.  Wow !  Let me tell you, do that dance and you will feel young again.  Don''t look in the mirror while doing it as it will kill your good feeling as all you will see is an old women flopping around her living room.  Oh well, such is life.  That doesn't stop me from doing it.  I just avoid mirrors.

Okay, so that just about covers most of my life except........And this is a big except, my Jim.  Who really doesn't feel like my Jim any more.  I don't know who this man is that is in my home seeming to take over.  He is a big bully, arrogant, know it all, judgmental, non caring, stubborn, and disregards how I feel about anything if I don't agree with him.  I can't tell you how many times something is being discussed among the family and I give my opinion or add something.  I get nothing.  Not a response, a look, a nod of the head,  nothing.  He acts like I have peanuts for brains.  Like my opinion would not make a bit of difference at all.  There have been times when I have talked about something, maybe something I had just found out and was sharing.  He doesn't acknowledge anything I say at all.  Then the next thing I know he is telling it, even to me.  I look at him and say, " I told you that already."  He looks at me like what was I talking about.




                                                                                                                                                                         
Oh, I am not done.  In fact I have just gotten started.  Now we go to the animals.  We have 4 dogs.  Our one Son ended up giving us 3 dogs.  Two heading to the pound and one was his.  No pets where he moved.  So yes, we took them.  We have the room and dogs are fine.  The fourth dog is ours.  We got it on Craig's List.  All of our dogs are very sweet.  Our dog, Tasha is a mix, border collie and I don't know what else. A little chunky and very sweet.  Olivia a chihuahua, is about 14.  She's a blond or yellow.  Very sweet.  Bella is another Chihuahua that is black. Very vocal.  Then there is Eddie, Highway Eddie.  He is part Rottweiler, don't know if that is spelled right but you get my jist.  Stocky, solid built, needing attention a lot.  Always getting out of the yard.  But for some reason that is never on the list of things to do.  So I have to keep my screened in door shut as when he gets out in that south yard he can get under the fence and away he goes looking for Jim.  Usually ends up on the road in front ready to cause an accident.  It has just never been important to secure the fence.  I'm not one to demand (maybe that is my problem).  I don't like confrontation.  I do expect everyone especially Jim  to do the right thing without me having to be the Mother.  You know what I mean.  Who wants that job.  Let me add we have two dog doors, cat doors, animal doors what ever you want to call them.  Our dogs do go outside on their own.  That, I learned a long time ago.  After ruined rugs. Olivia has started going a foot out the door and doing her thing right there for everyone to see.
Great !



Okay, now we go to the cats.  We have 9, yes I said 9 cats.  Let me just say, we do live in the country.  Feel better ?  Good.  Edgar (we call him Sparky)  he showed up on our stairs early one morning.  Not kidding !  He, of course used our cat door and welcomed himself in.  Figured it looked like a good place and stayed.  Then our Granddaughter said she had a stray cat that was in her alley.  She had given it to a friend, which was not working out as the little girls just kept screaming at it.  So she, our Granddaughter wanted to know if we would like to have it.  Well, we had just recently lost 2 cats so we said sure.  She said it was a boy so we named him Angus.  Next thing we know Angus is quite chunky in the tummy and we have since named him Angelina.  She had 4 kitties.  We gave two, Booker and Anna, to our other son.  Well, we didn't get Angelina to the vet soon enough and before you knew it we had 5 more kitties.  WHAT ! So that is how we ended up with 9 Cats.  And yes, all 9 have been taken care of.  Here is the list of names....Sparky (Edgar), Angelina, Rosy, Thumper, Oreo, Domino, Angus, Faerie, and last but not least The Goddess.  She is the only one who has long hair and fluffy.  I do love all my kitties.  They are sweet, don't shed and seem to get along fine.  No problems here.


 Okay, I'm going to pause for now and return later.  I'm starting to feel better but it's going to take a lot of talking and I think some doing Because like I said I'm just getting started !!