Setting up Home Library

While watching World Series !!  We are Giants and A's fans so really enjoying watching. We don't care which team wins, Indians or Cubs as it's been too long for both teams. Go Baseball, best sport of all. 

Yes, I am still talking !

Okay, I have something to add.  You know, I feel like that stupid girl in the room that doesn't get it and everyone else in the room does and they see she doesn't.  Some are  looking at her with sadness, some are shaking their heads and some are bug eyed because they can't believe she is so stupid.

Jim has been working for about 2 weeks straight no days off.  This will probably end this weekend as it's a seasonal job.  He walks in the door and is petting our dogs.  I grab him and pull him into a hug.  I hold on tight and hold on to him for like 15 seconds.  I am feeling his body touching mine.  His shoulders tummy and legs.  It's a good feeling until I realize his arms are not around me.  He stopped on my side.  I have both my arms up around his shoulders, my head is next to his and he only has his hands on my side.  I feel like he is just waiting for me to let go.  I'm getting no response from him toward me.  No squeeze back, no laying his head into me, nothing.  I start to let go as he does also then I hug him again before we break away.  He gives a little laugh.  I let go and he almost acts uncomfortable.  Like he didn't know what to do or say.  I say I just miss you so much.  A couple hours later, after he has feed all our cats and dogs and we have had dinner and are sitting in the living room he looks at me and says, "That was nice what you did".  Okay, now am I the stupid girl in the room ?  I mean shouldn't he have said, "I really miss you too !" 

I feel like this has gone on so long that I have gotten use to no showing of affection or of telling your other how you feel about them.  I sure wish it was different but it's not and I need to (as my Granddaughter would say), put your big girl pants on and move on.

We will talk more later.  Tootles

Halloween

 

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 Pumpkin streusel bread. Health and delicious !

Yes, I am still talking !

Hello, again. 
Like I said before I am just getting started. 
     To be honest I am quite sad about all of this for one I don't know what to do about it.  I have tried to talk to him about it but he just blows me off.  Says all I do is complain.  There isn't anything I like about him .  Actually that is true.  I don't like him anymore.  He isn't normal, or down to earth, or ready to laugh at himself.  If I do something wrong I laugh about it and shrug it off.  If he does something wrong he doesn't admit it.  If fact acts like he meant to do that and gives some off the wall reason for doing it.  Very serious about it.  No more do we have that closeness we use to have.  Where it's okay to mess up, we don't care as long as we have each other it's all good.  We  no longer say things to each other to make the other one feel good about themselves.  I always use to especially to him.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I do everything right, I don't but I would like to change that.  I never get a compliment from him.  I use to.  You know about anything, hair style (now my hair is white and thin), outfits, making a good meal, just anything.  Even when I ask him how does this look on me or what about this hair style or Did you like what I made isn't it delicious ?.  I get nothing, maybe if I am lucky I will get, "Yea, it's fine,"  Have you seen the movie, "Hope Springs", with Meryl Streep.  Well, that is my life.  I love how she was able to change things around.  It took some doing but she finally showed him  how different their life could be And the most important part was.....He finally listened !  He understood what she was telling him and he wanted his life that loving and carefree as much as she did.  I know, I know only in the  movies, right?  Yes, my husband and I did see the  movie together and no nothing changed.  It was almost like Jim was afraid I was expecting him to change and be like that and he wasn't having any of it.
     What do we talk about......Jim talks about politics, the news, what happens when he's working.  I know all about all his coworkers and the boss and his family.  How awful his phone is (Sansome, need I say  more).  Now don't get me wrong I am interested in all that, I want to know how he feels about this and that but you see that is all we talk about.  If I try to talk about us he clams up  like he's a little boy in trouble.  He body language is so apparent.  Frown on face, jaw brought out and gritting, pulls back away and does not say a word. 

I just get so sad.  I have said to him....."Who are you and what have you done with my husband ?  I would like him back as I miss him so.

        Does that faze him ???  Not in the least.  So I have to keep myself up.  I use to get really sad and would walk around with a worried look on my face, be in a  bad mood, not really enjoying life then I realized it really didn't matter to him how I was at all.  He didn't try to make me feel better.  In fact here is what he did one of the times we were having a fight.  As usual I don't remember about what only that we were mad at each other.  Well, he said he was sorry, at the time it really surprised  me.  But I thought, great now we are  getting somewhere.  Well later, maybe a few days or it might  have been a week or two we are disagreeing and he states.....It really makes him mad to say he is sorry.  Can you believe that !  Let me tell you if I could say "I'm  sorry really sorry", and all this would go away, I would do it in a heart beat.     Why can't it be like it was in the beginning, the sweet smiles, the tender touch, looking across the room at each other, the compliments, the sharing of something only each of you would understand, the closeness.  Oh, how I miss the closeness.  Someone to count on for everything, no mater what.  All of that is gone !
       I don't know now if I want to make it right.  It's been so long since we have been close.  All I do know is if we both don''t work at it together nothing will change between us.  And that my friend is very, very, very SAD.

Until next time ;)

Sometimes you just have to talk

If your a women, over 65 but under 70 I think you might know what I mean.

Let me explain.....

           I'm married, we had children who are grown now with families of their own.  We also have lots of Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren.  That part is all good.  In fact it's very good.

          I just thought I would be in a different place now.  I know what you are thinking.  Big  high end home, nice furniture, expensive clothes and jewelry, you get the picture.  None of that is what I have nor do I want any of that.  I love my home.  It's been put together a room at a time.  I'm not kidding !  We even have a school bus hooked on one side.  That use to be our bedroom in the back (now it's a closet).  The front of the bus was my kitchen (now it's more or less a storage for things I don't have room for in my other kitchen).  The bathroom is in the  middle and it works quite well.

I do have a lot of books.  Some people would think I have too many, not me, of course, I would love to have a lot more.  I made the mistake a few years ago and gave away half of them.  About 500.  Yes, I do regret it very much.  I feel like I gave away half of my soul never to be found again.  You know how it is, I'll remember a particular book then realize I gave it away.  That awful feeling of lost you feel in your toes or I see one in the book store or some one's home and sigh, and say to myself, I use to own a book like that.  AWFUL !  But I have no one to blame but myself.  I  just didn't have the room and we were moving things around.  Shelves came down, windows went in there went the books.  I did give them to a thrift store so I keep telling myself I have made a lot of people very happy.

So I am pretty much okay with my book situation and my family.  I could  do more exercise.  I have 3 DVDs of Jane Fonda's.  What a cool lady.  I do like her a lot.  Years ago I even had her VHS tapes and I worked out with her a lot.  So I got a gift card for one of the Holidays and bought her latest  DVDs.  I really like the one as it has dancing in it.  Especially the Latin dance.  Wow !  Let me tell you, do that dance and you will feel young again.  Don''t look in the mirror while doing it as it will kill your good feeling as all you will see is an old women flopping around her living room.  Oh well, such is life.  That doesn't stop me from doing it.  I just avoid mirrors.

Okay, so that just about covers most of my life except........And this is a big except, my Jim.  Who really doesn't feel like my Jim any more.  I don't know who this man is that is in my home seeming to take over.  He is a big bully, arrogant, know it all, judgmental, non caring, stubborn, and disregards how I feel about anything if I don't agree with him.  I can't tell you how many times something is being discussed among the family and I give my opinion or add something.  I get nothing.  Not a response, a look, a nod of the head,  nothing.  He acts like I have peanuts for brains.  Like my opinion would not make a bit of difference at all.  There have been times when I have talked about something, maybe something I had just found out and was sharing.  He doesn't acknowledge anything I say at all.  Then the next thing I know he is telling it, even to me.  I look at him and say, " I told you that already."  He looks at me like what was I talking about.




                                                                                                                                                                         
Oh, I am not done.  In fact I have just gotten started.  Now we go to the animals.  We have 4 dogs.  Our one Son ended up giving us 3 dogs.  Two heading to the pound and one was his.  No pets where he moved.  So yes, we took them.  We have the room and dogs are fine.  The fourth dog is ours.  We got it on Craig's List.  All of our dogs are very sweet.  Our dog, Tasha is a mix, border collie and I don't know what else. A little chunky and very sweet.  Olivia a chihuahua, is about 14.  She's a blond or yellow.  Very sweet.  Bella is another Chihuahua that is black. Very vocal.  Then there is Eddie, Highway Eddie.  He is part Rottweiler, don't know if that is spelled right but you get my jist.  Stocky, solid built, needing attention a lot.  Always getting out of the yard.  But for some reason that is never on the list of things to do.  So I have to keep my screened in door shut as when he gets out in that south yard he can get under the fence and away he goes looking for Jim.  Usually ends up on the road in front ready to cause an accident.  It has just never been important to secure the fence.  I'm not one to demand (maybe that is my problem).  I don't like confrontation.  I do expect everyone especially Jim  to do the right thing without me having to be the Mother.  You know what I mean.  Who wants that job.  Let me add we have two dog doors, cat doors, animal doors what ever you want to call them.  Our dogs do go outside on their own.  That, I learned a long time ago.  After ruined rugs. Olivia has started going a foot out the door and doing her thing right there for everyone to see.
Great !



Okay, now we go to the cats.  We have 9, yes I said 9 cats.  Let me just say, we do live in the country.  Feel better ?  Good.  Edgar (we call him Sparky)  he showed up on our stairs early one morning.  Not kidding !  He, of course used our cat door and welcomed himself in.  Figured it looked like a good place and stayed.  Then our Granddaughter said she had a stray cat that was in her alley.  She had given it to a friend, which was not working out as the little girls just kept screaming at it.  So she, our Granddaughter wanted to know if we would like to have it.  Well, we had just recently lost 2 cats so we said sure.  She said it was a boy so we named him Angus.  Next thing we know Angus is quite chunky in the tummy and we have since named him Angelina.  She had 4 kitties.  We gave two, Booker and Anna, to our other son.  Well, we didn't get Angelina to the vet soon enough and before you knew it we had 5 more kitties.  WHAT ! So that is how we ended up with 9 Cats.  And yes, all 9 have been taken care of.  Here is the list of names....Sparky (Edgar), Angelina, Rosy, Thumper, Oreo, Domino, Angus, Faerie, and last but not least The Goddess.  She is the only one who has long hair and fluffy.  I do love all my kitties.  They are sweet, don't shed and seem to get along fine.  No problems here.


 Okay, I'm going to pause for now and return later.  I'm starting to feel better but it's going to take a lot of talking and I think some doing Because like I said I'm just getting started !!

Good Morning

 

Interesting Quote

The Moto should not be: Forgive one another; rather Understand one another. 

Emma Goldman, Political Activist

Door

  The inside and outside of my Door. Love, love it

Forgotten theme of this Post

Good Afternoon.  May the breeze of fall  be blowing your hair with coolness and grace.

You know for several days now I have been thinking of different things I would like to write about.  Never did I think I would not remember what they were.  Can you believe it and let me tell you they were brilliant.  I swear, I would not kid you.

So back to the drawing board.  I will try and have a notepad and pen with me.  Hey, I have even gotten a bigger purse so I am all set.  Now if I could just share my thoughts on wisdom we would be all set.  You see that is why I have this picture of this beautiful  Rose.  That way you can view the rose and pause as you are amazed by my wisdom.

All kidding aside I do have things to think about.  That is something will cross my mind and it will make me wonder and then I just go off from there.
   
I will be back with more exciting topics for you to enjoy !   Tootles

Changed my door again ! Having fun !

 

Porches !

  Enjoying myself with my two friends

Eddie is in the house because he keeps getting out of the yard. Not good, Eddie. Tootles 

My front door

 I've had a blast adding this and that. The brooms are removable as I do use them so wanted them handy. 

Enjoying life !

I'm working on my wood door.  This picture is of the front of my house.  I do have a front porch and I love to decorate it.  I really need to get it ready for fall or I like to say Autumn.  That has such a pretty sound to it and you visualize falling leaves, pumpkins, apples and nuts.  This table is where I will be cracking english walnuts.  Oh my, they are so delicious and last year I didn't get any as they were picked up and sold before I even knew they were here.  Maybe I wasn't paying attention.  Obviously !  This year I am watching them like a hawk.

It's funny I started out saying I was working on my wood door and I haven't said a word about it.  You see I have all the what-nots and things I want to put on it but I have no screws.  I really shouldn't say that as I am forever stepping on screws and nails so what I am going to do is go on a hunt and find them all.  I have a feeling I will find enough to finish the  door.   Tootles

Let's have Cake !

Now, this is a cake.  My Granddaughter made it and I swear we had  it gone in one hour.  It was so delicious !  With a good cup of coffee, good conversation and company it was a big hit.
     Inside ?  You want to  know what kind inside, Lemon cake and Lemon Frosting. 
Need I say more !     Tootles

sushi !

What a picture.  My Granddaughter's Ashlley and Vanesa and Manny took the challenge and made all of the dishes you see.  I am not kidding.  Let me tell you they did a fantastic job and dinner was delicious !  It was there first time of making it and let me tell you as far as I am concerned they are all experts.  They have decided to do this once a month.  How lucky are we to get in on this.  Never would I have thought I would love Sushi like I do.  Jim too !  You just have to have an open mind and think about what you love to eat in the fish department and go from there.  Not all Sushi is raw fish.  Some are, of course but believe me there are many different choices.  For an example....  I love crab, lobster, shrimp and most any kind of fish along with avocado, cucumber, cream cheese just to name a few things.  Well all of that is in Sushi and to watch them adding all the ingredients then roll it up, well, it's amazing.  The sauces they put on top are so delicious.  There is this one sauce which Jim and I love.  I would describe it like soy sauce but thicker and sweeter.  We love it.  Then we found out what it's called.....Eel Sauce !  I would have never guessed that.  Now I don't know if there is Eel in the sauce or what, all I know is It's delicious.  I'll be honest I don't really like the raw fish but give me shrimp, avocado, rice, ginger rolled up with seaweed and eel sauce on top and you had me at shrimp.  I love it.  You saute the shrimp and some even has deep fried shrimp at each end of the roll.  You see ? You just need an open mind and someone to guide you through the process of trying new and different cultures.  I'm so glad my Granddaughter introduced Jim and I.  Hey, you are never too old to try new things.  Tootles

Porches and Yards

 Well, Good Morning !  We have been having fun changing things around, cleaning up and fixing this and that.  I really do love my porches or decks or what ever you want to call them.  It's a place to gather your thoughts and  my, you would be surprised at the ideas that pop out then.  I do have some sweet birds that sing in my trees but we do not encourage this as we have 9, count them,  9 cats and I do not want anything to happen to those sweet birds in my yard.  I don't put bird seed out or put water in the bird bath.  My goodness, before we realized it our kitties were terrorizing them.  Here they were trying to take a bath and get a drink and along pops up a kitty.  Not a good thing.  We live next door to two peach orchards and between the   fruit and them watering, it's okay.  Now getting back to my porches.  I would love to have a porch swing.  I do however have a  couple swings on our old swing set.  It has a slide and other things to climb on.  Which are not for me.  We have talked about using chairs for the swings.  Now I need to find the chairs.      How do you like my front door.  I had my Jim put the gates up.  I've been hanging chains on it.  They open  up  and the right side lays flat and the left side opens to the fireplace.  I do love them.

I do love to go and sit on my porches.  Especially now that I have them cleaned up. 

Tootles

What is happening to our Food ?

Being someone who tries her best at eating healthy, at least 85% of the time.  I'm a little concerned, no I should say a lot concerned, about what some are doing to our food.  Let me write a few words from an article I read.......

We're facing a strategic compaign mounted by huge and powerful forces concerned with profit, not our health, and they're not going to go away quietly.

Food irradiation is not, as you might think, an outgrowth of the farming or food industries.  It comes to us directly from the Department of Energy in it's efforts to find a commercially viable destination for the nuclear waste our defense industry has created.  In short, it's the ultimate solution to nuclear waste: Make it profitable.  The idea was to sell it to private facilities that would then use it-with precious little government supervision-to treat the food destined for our dinner tables.  To quote James Michael Lennon, the director of the American Natural Hygiene Society,  food irradiation is "technology in search of a use.  It creates a mushrooming of toxic waste sites, and the unmonitored transporting of contamination of our neighborhoods and communities".  The process of food irradiation can never be environmentally safe.  Radioactive ingredients materials are hazardous where they are produced, hazardous as they travel, and hazardous in exposure to any living thing. The risk of nuclear accidents escalates as each irradiation site is opened.

The FDA, which has no program to monitor food irradiation, nonetheless declares that it is safe!  This judgement of safety was made after studying only 5 out of 441 studies on  potential toxicity.  Two of the studies were declared flawed.  In a third, animals fed irradiated food experienced weight loss and miscarriage.  One possible cause: the vitamin E deficiency induced in irradiated offd.  In the fourth and fifth studies,  lower levels of irradiation were measured than those currently approved by the FDA for our food.

The argument is that food irradiation preserves our food, quaranteeing a longer shelf life.  The admitted damage to our food created by food irradiation is declared "acceptable".  In fact, every change in the intrinsic nature of food is harmful, and the foods that would be harmed the most by food irradiation are the fresh fruits and vegetables we rely on for health.  Even cooking destroys essential nutrients in these foods, such as the life-enhancing enzymes.  The idea that food irradiation preserves food is misleading, since the process sim;y changes how food spoils,  carrying with it new risk factors such as reduced levels of certain vitamins and bacterial contamination.  All the supposed benefits that are attributed to the process are already obtained from other less expenseive, far less dangerous processes.  These foods are damaged, not preserved.

I don''t know about you, but come on ! 

Let's Go !!

I am so ready to go in the Houseboat !!!  I want to fish, fish, fish.  I don't care if I catch anything or not.  Just being on the lake will do it for me.

So get your gear ready.   Pack the food.

And let's go !!!!!!

Getting Ready for Spring !

Fixing up the back yard.  Getting ready to enjoy the all out doors.  How I love to be outside feeling the warmth from the sun.  Listening to the birds....but.....we kinda have a  problem now.  You see since last May around the 24th, 2015 our  cat Angus had a litter of 4 kitties.  Yes, we have changed her name to Angelina, thank you very much.  Then because we were not THINKING she had another litter August 29, 2015.  This time our sweet little Angelina had 5 kitties.  Now from the first set we gave two to our sons family.  Booker and Anna.  Yes, they have been fixed, so to speak.  So on top of the 5 in the litter, and the  Mother, Angelina we also had Edgar, which we sometimes called Sparky.  So, are you keeping up.  That's two left from the first litter, Rosy and Thumper.  Then 5 from the second litter, The Goddess, Faery, Angus, (after his  mother, ha) Oreo and Domino.  Then of course, the Mother and Edgar.  9, yes, we have 9 cats in all.  Now let me clarify all have been fixed, so no more kitties. We live back from the road and are surrounded by orchards and We have a kitty door.  Also a dog door, as we have 4 dogs but that's another story.  Pictures soon to follow.   Tootles

My Dolls

This is Sadie Blake and her baby doll, Opal Adeline.  Cool names, uh?  My Mom made Sadie Blake for me.  I was an adult and I love her too pieces.   The white in front is a muff that her hands go in to keep them warm.  I made her baby doll from crochet and had a ball doing it.  Must tell you about the names.  Sadie Blake came about because when ever I got something new (shoes, dress, etc.) I would want to go show my Uncle Leroy because he would always say, " Sadie Blake", and would draw each name out and whistle.  Oh, I loved it when he did that.  So of course that is the first name I thought of for my new doll.  Her baby doll, well this is my Mom's sisters name who passed away when she was 14 from appendicitis.  Very sad.  I have always loved her name so there it is.  Opal Adeline.  Very Cool !